3  1822015378714 


WIDOWS- 
iRAVE-AND 


I 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF 

CALIFORNIA 

SAN  DIEGO 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA.  SAN  DIEGO 


13  1822015378714 


Central  University  Library 

University  of  California,  San  Diego 
Please  Note:  This  item  is  subject  to  recall. 

Date  Due 


NQV221993 


Cl  39  (7/93) 


UCSD  Lb. 


A  creature  not  too  bright  or  good 
for  human  nature's  daily  food. 
— Wordsworth. 


WIDOWS 


GRAVE  AND 


(T      ERW  SE 


"Widders  are  'ceptions  to  ev'ry  rule." 

—  Dickens. 


PURLOINED  BY  AN  EX-WIDOW 
AND  PICTURED  BY  A  VICTIM 


PUBLISHED  BY  AN  IMMUNE 


15306 


WIDOWS 

GRAVE  AND 
OTHERWISE 


COMPILED  BYCORA  D.WILLMARTH 
ILLUSTRATED  BY  A.  F.WILLMARTH 


COPYRIGHT,  1903 
BY  PAUL  ELDER  AND  COMPANY 


PAUL  ELDER  AND  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS,  SAN  FRANCISCO 


Be  to  her  virtues  very  kind; 
Be  to  her  faults  a  little  blind. 

—  Prior. 


Thou  art  a  woman,  and  that  is  saying  the 
besl  and  worsT:  of  thee.  — Bailey. 


January  Fir£ 

Widows,  Eke  ripe  fruit,  drop  easily  from 
their  perch.  — Bruvere. 


— Bruyere. 


January  Second 

Wedlock's    like    wine, —  not    properly 
judged  of  till  the  second  glass. 

—  Douglas  Jerrold. 


January  Third 

The  Spaniards  have  it  that  a  buxom 
widow  must  be  either  married,  buried,  or 
shut  up  in  a  convent  —  Haliburton. 


January  Fourth 

Frailty,  thy  name  is  woman!  a  little 
month,  or  ere  those  shoes  were  old  with 
which  she  foflowed  my  poor  father's  body, 
Kke  Niobe,  all  tears :  —  why  she,  even  she, 
married  with  my  uncle.  _  Shakespeare. 


To  marry  once  is  a  duty,  twice  a  folly, 
thrice  is  madness.  —Dutch  Proverb. 

January  Sixth 

Mrs.  President  has  disposed  of  six  hus- 
bands and  is  to  take  a  seventh:  being  of  the 
opinion  that  there  is  as  much  virtue  in  the 
touch  of  a  seventh  husband  as  of  a  seventh 
son.  —  Addison. 

January  Seventh 

I  praise  th*  saints  I  niver  was  married, 
though  I  had  opportunities  enough  when  I 
was  a  young  man,  an'  even  now  I  have  to 
wear  me  hat  low  whin  I  go  down  be 
Cologne  Street,  on  account  iv  the  widow 
Grogan.  —  Mr.Dooley. 

January  Eighth 

Tush  !  herself  knows  not  what  she  shall 
do  when  she  is  transformed  into  a  widow. 

—  Chapman. 


Widows  are  such  a  subtle  generation  of 
people  they  may  be  left  to  their  own  con- 
du<ft;  if  they  make  a  false  step,  they  are 
answerable  for  it  to  nobody  but  themselves. 

—  Addison. 

January  Tenth 

I  have  seen  a  widow  that  just  before 
was  seen  pleasant  enough,  follow  an  empty 
hearse  and  weep  devoutly. 

—  Chapman. 

January  Eleventh 

I*  faith,  he'll  have  a  lusty  widow  now, 
That  shall  be  wooed  and  wedded  in  a  day. 

—  Shakespeare. 

January  Twelfth 

Here's  a  small  trifle  of  wives:  alas,— 
eleven  widows  and  nine  maids,  is  a  simple 
coming  in  for  one  man.  —Shakespeare. 


January  Thirteenth 

If  for  widows  you  die, 
Learn  to  kiss,  not  to  sigh. 

—  Charles  Lever. 

January  Fourteenth 

The  widow  Quick  married  within  a  fort- 
night after  the  death  of  her  last  husband. 
Her  weeds  have  served  her  twice  and  are 
still  as  good  as  new.  — Addison. 

January  Fifteenth 

She  was  clever,  witty,  brilliant,  and 
sparkling;  but  possessed  of  many  devils  of 
malice  and  mischievousness ;  she  could  be 
nice,  though,  even  to  her  own  sex. 

—  Kipling. 

January  Sixteenth 

A  rogue  met  a  pretty  young  Mrs., 

A  widow,  and  stole  a  few  Krs., 

And  the  lady,  though  she  was  astounded, 

Said  she'd  waive  prosecution, 

If  he'd  make  restitution, 

So  the  felony  soon  was  compounded. 

—  Philadelphia  Pre$$. 


January  Seventeenth 

"Yes,  he's  going  to  marry  that  rich 
widow.  His  debts  were  looming  up  dread- 
fully, and  —  " 

"  I  see.  His  marriage  wifl  be  the  6n- 
ished  product  of  the  loom." 

—  San  Francisco  New*  Letter. 

January  Eighteenth 

"  Dear  Joseph  is  dead.  Loss  fully  cov- 
ered by  insurance."  —  ( Telegram )  Tit  Bits. 

January  Nineteenth 

"  Why  for  your  spouse  this  pompous  fuss  ? 
Was  he  not  all  his  life  your  curse  ?  " 

"True,  but  at  length  one  single  action 
Made  up  for  each  past  malefaction." 

"  Indeed !  what  was  the  action,  pray  ?  " 
"  Why,  sir,  it  was, —  he  died  one  day." 

—  Exchange. 

January  Twentieth 

Take  my  word  for  it,  the  silliest  woman 
can  manage  a  clever  man,  but  it  needs  a 
very  clever  woman  to  manage  a  fool 


January  Twenty-first 

But  if  the  priesYs  daughter  be  a  widow, 
or  divorced,  and  have  no  child,  and  is  re- 
turned unto  her  father's  house,  as  in  her 
youth,  she  shall  eat  of  her  father's  meat. 

—  Bible. 

January  Twenty-second 

But  every  vow  of  a  widow  and  of  her 
that  is  divorced  shall  stand  against  her. 

— Numbers  xx :  1 1 . 

January  Twenty-third 

Le  Fiance.  "  Why  have  you  not  intro- 
duced me  to  your  mother,  darling  ?  " 

La  Fiancee.  "  Gerald,  my  mother  is  a 
widow,  and  I  have  lost  two  fiances  to  wid- 
ows already."  yfe. 

January  Twenty-fourth 

With  all  the  experience  of  married  life 
she  has  the  sense  of  perfect  freedom  and 
irresponsibility;  consequently  her  flights  in 
flirtation  are  as  daring  as  they  are  without 
fear  or  reproach.  _  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


January  Twenty-fifth 

"  So  De Wolff  Hopper  is  divorced  and 
married  again  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"  Well,  now  I  suppose  the  question  is,  is 
his  former  wife  a  grass  widow  or  a  grass 
Hopper?"  —Life. 

January  Twenty-sixth 

'Tis  safes!  in  matrimony  to  begin  with  a 
little  aversion.  —Sheridan. 

January  Twenty-seventh 

It  sometimes  happens  that  when  a  man 
fails  in  doing  anything  else  well,  he  marries 
—  Atchison  Globe. 

January  Twenty-eighth 

Whatever  Rome  may  strive  to  fix, 
The  sacraments  are  only  six ; 
For  surely  of  the  seven,  'tis  clear 
Marriage  and  penance  but  one  appear. 
—  Proverb. 


January  Twenty-ninth 


Lady  Catherine  Swallow  was  a  widow 
at  eighteen,  and  has  since  buried  a  second 
husband  and  two  coachmen.  Addison. 


January  Thirtieth 

Jerry,  dying  intestate,  his  relatives  claim'd 
While  his  widow  most  vilely  his  mem'ry 

def  am'd : 
"  That's  no  wonder,"  says  one,  "  for  'tis 

very  well  known, 
Since  he  married,  poor  man,  he'd  no  will 

of  his  own!"  —Burns. 


January  Thirty-firft 

The  wives  of  hen-peck'd  husbands  most 
alwus  outliv  ther  victims,  and  I  hev  known 
them  to  git  marrid  agin  and  git  hold  ov  a 
man  that  tone  (thank  the  Lord/)  who 
understood  all  the  hen-peck  dodges. 

—  Josh  Billings. 


February  Fir£ 

Her  mourning  is  all  make  believe : 
'Tis  plain  ther's  nothing  in  it: 
With  weepers  she  has  tipp'd  her  sleeve, 

The  while  she's  laughing  in  it. 

—  Burns. 

February  Second 

The  Lord  will  destroy  the  house  of  the 
proud :  but  he  will  establish  the  border  of 
the  widow.  _  provcrb.  xv :  25. 

February  Third 

One  said  a  rich  widow  was  like  the 
rubbish  of  the  world,  that  helps  only  to  stop 
the  breaches  of  decayed  houses. 

—  Hazlitt. 

February  Fourth 

Of  course  not  every  man  who  has  been 
pursued  by  a  widow  was  caught,  and  there 
are  a  number  of  thrilling,  if  slightly  apochry- 
phal,  narratives  of  daring  adventurers  who 
have  escaped  the  clutches  of  the  dangerous 
creatures  at  the  last  minute.  —Dorothy  Dix. 


Mrs.    Pepperday.     "My  firs!  husband 
had  a  great  deal  more  sense  than  you  have." 
Mr.   Pepperday.     "True  enough,  he 
—  Harper's  Magazine. 

February  Sixth 

"  Take  example  by  your  father,  my  boy, 
and  be  wery  careful  o*  the  widders  all  your 
We."  —Dickens. 


February  Seventh 

Keep  yourself  from  the  tumult  of  the 
mob,  from  fools  in  a  narrow  way,  from  a 
man  that  is  marked,  and  from  a  widow  that 
has  been  thrice  married.  Proverb. 


February  Eighth 

Lawyer.  "  I  can  get  a  divorce  without 
publicity  for  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars." 

Actress.  "  How  much  more  will  it  cost 
with  publicity  ?"  _  Judge. 


February  Ninth 


A  man  that  marries  a  widow  is  bound 
to  give  up  smoking  and  chewing.  If  she 
gives  up  her  weeds  for  him  he  should  give 
up  his  weed  for  her.  —Louisville  Journal. 

February  Tenth 

There  is  but  one  good  excuse  for  a 
marriage  late  in  life,  and  that  is  a  second 
marriage.  _j0,h  Brings. 

February  Eleventh 

For  it  is  better  to  marry  than  to  burn. 

—  I  Cor.  vii:9. 

l 

February  Twelfth 

"Ven  you're  a  married  man,  Samival, 
you'll  understand  a  good  many  things  as  you 
don't  understand  now :  but  vether  it's  worth 
while  goin*  through  so  much  to  learn  so  little, 
as  the  charity  boy  said  ven  he  got  to  the 
end  of  the  alphabet,  is  a  matter  o*  taste." 

— Dickens. 


February  Thirteenth 

For  as  all  widows  love  too  well, 
She  liked  upon  the  lift  to  dwell, 
And  oft  ripped  up  the  old  disasters. 

—Hood. 

February  Fourteenth 

Sir  Simon,  as  snoring  he  lay  in  his  bed, 
Was  awaked  by  the  cry,  "  Sir,  your  lady  is 

dead ! " 
He  heard,  and  returning  to  slumber,  quoth 

he, 
"  In  the    morn,   when   I   wake,   oh,   how 

grieved  I  shall  be !  " 

February  Fifteenth 

Thanks,  my  good  friend,  for  the  advice, 
But  marriage  is  a  thing  so  nice, 
That  he  who  means  to  take  a  wife 
Had  better  think  on't  all  his  life. 

February  Sixteenth 

Why  are  those  tears,  why  droops  your  head  ? 
Is  then  your  other  husband  dead  ? 
Or  does  a  worse  disgrace  betide, 
Hath  no  one  since  his  death  applied  ? 

— Gay. 


A  rich  widow  is  the  only  kind  of  second- 
hand goods  that  will  always  sell  at  prime  cost. 

—  Franklin. 


And  whether  coldness,  pride,  or  virtue  dignify, 
A  woman,  so  she's  good,  what  does  it  signify  ? 

—  Byron. 


February  Seventeenth 


It  pleased  the  Lord  to  take  my  spouse  at  la£t. 
I  tore  my  hair,  I  soil'd  my  locks  with  du&, 
And  beat  my  breads  —  as  wretched  widows 

must: 

Before  my  face  my  handkerchief  I  spread, 
To  hide  the  flood  of  tears  I  did  —  not  shed. 

—Pope. 


February  Eighteenth 


She.  "  I  think  I  should  like  a  widower 
after  all." 

He.  "  Very  well ;  whom  shall  I  marry 
firsl?" 


February  Nineteenth 

May  widows  wed  as  often  as  they  can, 
And  ever  for  the  better  change  their  man ; 
And  some  devouring  plague  pursue  their  lives, 
Who  will  not  well  be  governed  by  their  wives. 

— Dryden. 


Whilst  Adam  slept,  Eve  from  his  side  arose : 
Strange!   his  first  sleep  should  be  his  last 
repose  I  — ^Anonymous. 


February  Twenty-firft 


A  widow  is  more  sought  after  than  an 
old  maid  of  the  same  age.  Addison. 


February  Twenty-second 

The  widow  is  indigenous  to  all  climes  and 
wherever  found  is  a  source  of  aggravation  to 
women  and  of  danger  to  men. 

— Dorothy  Dix. 


February  Twenty-third 


Widows  are  indeed  the  great  game  of 
your  fortune  hunters.  — Addison. 


February  Twenty-fourth 

"  Some  day  I'm  goin'  to  let  me  temper 
r-run  away  with  me,  and  get  a  comity  to- 
gether, and  go  out  an*  hang  ivry  dam  widdy 
and  orphan  between  the  rollin*  mills  an*  th* 
foundlin's  home.  If  it  wasn't  for  thim  ray- 
pachious  crathers,  they'd  be  no  boodle  anny- 
wheres."  —  Mr.DooIey. 


February  Twenty-fifth 

The  widow  Cross,  I  should  have  told, 
Had  seen  three  husbands  to  the  mould : 
The  dear,  departed  Mr.  Cross, 
Came  in  for  nothing  but  his  thirds. 

—  Hood. 


February  Twenty-sixth 

"  She  knows  how  to  look  out  for  number 
one." 

"  That  is  quite  evident  from  the  way  she 
is  looking  out  for  number  two." 

—  Smart  Set. 


February  Twenty-seventh 

Sum  marry  the  second  time  to  get  even 
and  find  it  a  gambling  game :  the  more  they 
put  down  the  less  they  take  up. 

—  Josh  Billings. 


February  Twenty-eighth 

The  wife  is  bound  by  the  law  as  long 
is  the  husband  liveth.         _  j  Cor.  vii :  39. 


February  Twenty-ninth 

Remove  thy  way  far  from  her  and  come 
not  nigh  the  door  of  her  house. 

—  Proverbs. 


March  First 

Woo  the  widow  while  she  is  in  weeds. 
—  Proverb. 

March  Second 

Indeed,  we  were  once  in  great  hopes  of 
his  recovery,  upon  a  kind  message  that  was 
sent  him  from  the  widow  lady  whom  he  had 
made  love  to  the  last  forty  years  of  his  life : 
but  this  only  proved  a  lightning  before 
death.  —  Addison. 

March  Third 

One  widow  at  a  grave  will  sob 
A  little  while  and  weep  and  sigh ! 
If  two  should  meet  on  such  a  job, 
They'll  have  a  gossip  bye  and  bye. 

—  Hood. 

March  Fourth 

"  You  are  a  marrid  man,  Mr.  Young, 
I  believe  ?"  sed  I. 

"I  hev  eighty  wives,  Mr.  Ward.  I 
certainly  am  marrid."  —  Artemui  Ward. 


'Tis  dangerous  marrying  a  widow  be- 
cause she  has  cast  her  rider. 

—  Spanish  Proverb. 

March  Sixth 

"I  have  heerd  how  many  ord'nary 
women  one  widder's  equal  to,  in  pint  of 
comin*  over  you.  I  think  it's  five-and-twenty, 
but  I  don't  rightly  know  whether  it  an't 
more."  —Dickens. 

March  Seventh 

"  As  for  the  widders,  anny  healthy  widdy 
with  street  car  stock  ought  to  be  ashamed 
of  hersilf  if  she's  a  widdy  long." 

—  Mr.  Dooley. 

March  Eighth 

That  is  why  little  widows  are  so  danger- 
ous: they  not  only  know  their  own  sex,  but 
they  know  ours,  too,  and  knowledge  is 
power.  —Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


The  basis  of  the  contemporary  matri- 
monial decline,  as  most  writers  interpret  it,  is 
man.  Man  cannot  very  well  be  left  out  of  mar- 
riage altogether  without  defeating  some  of  its 
more  important  ends  and  impairing  its  results. 

—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 

March  Tenth 

Easy  or  frivolous  divorce  is  condemned 
and  deplored,  but  the  easily  divorced  are  not 
excluded  from  the  politest  society. 

—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 

March  Eleventh 

Onions  can  make  heirs  and  widows 
weep.  —Proverb. 

March  Twelfth 

He  who  marries  a  widow  will  often  have 
a  dead  man's  head  thrown  in  his  dish. 

—  Proverb. 


Divorce,  with  all  its  privileges  and  possi- 
bilities, must  continue  to  be  a  second-rate 
bliss  by  no  means  comparable  to  true  mar- 
na8e«  — Edward  Slanton  Martin. 


March  Fourteenth 

"  Mind  that  no  widder  gets  a  inklin*  of 
your  fortun,  or  you're  done."      Dickem. 


March  Fifteenth 

Mrs.  Biffery  Biff.  "You  should  be 
happy.  You  have  such  a  kind  husband." 

Mrs.  Qyittem.  "  Yes ;  we  are  getting 
along  splendidly,  since  we  don't  live  to- 
gether. —  Sa,,  Francisco  Examiner. 


March  Sixteenth 

A  good  occasion  for  courtship  is  when  a 
widow  returns  from  the  funeral. 

—  Proverb. 


March  Seventeenth 


Second  marriages  receive  much  less  uni- 
versal consideration  because  comparatively 
few  persons  find  themselves  in  a  position 
where  they  have  to  reach  a  decision  as  to 
their  expediency.  —Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


March  Eighteenth 

She  was  a  little  widow  and  was  conse- 
quently a  complete  compendium  of  the  art 
of  love.  _  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


March  Nineteenth 

She  was  a  good  lookin'  woman  and  had 
seen  trouble.  It  glands  to  reason  she  had, 
with  four  husbands.  Good  land ! 

—  Josiah  Allen's  Wife. 


March  Twentieth 

Wooers  and  widows  are  never  poor. 
—Ralph  Roister  Doifter  (1566). 


Do,  but  dally  not:   that's  the  widow's 
phrase.  —Barry. 


March  Twenty-second 

"  You  know  what  counsel  said,  Sammy, 
as  defended  the  gen'lem'n  as  beat  his  wife, 
with  the  poker,  venever  he  got  jolly:  'And 
arter  all,  my  Lord,'  says  he,  'it's  a  amiable 
weakness.'  So  I  says  respectin*  widders." 

—  Dickens. 


March  Twenty-third 

Of  course  I  wanted  to  marry  the  widow 
because  she  declared  she  would  never 
marry  again.  —Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


March  Twenty-fourth 

The  multi-widow.  "  A  woman  seldom 
finds  that  her  husband  is  the  same  man 
she  married."  —Brooklyn  Eagle. 


Why,  if  I  had  had  two  husbands,  or  even 
four,  I  should  want  to  keep  'em  apart  sittin' 
up  in  high  chairs  on  different  sides  of  my 
Heart.  — Josiah  Allen*.  Wife. 

March  Twenty-sixth 

Disagreeable  suspicions  are  usually  the 
fruits  of  a  second  marriage.  Racine. 

March  Twenty-seventh 

"  Have  you  made  your  will  ?"  asked  the 
lawyer  of  the  old  colored  citizen. 

"  No,  suh.  I  ain*  got  nothin*  to  leave 
'cept  one  wife  and  de  rheumatism." 

—  Atlanta  Constitution. 

March  Twenty-eighth 

It  is  only  a  widow  who  is  wise  enough 
to  know  that  a  jolly  laugh  in  a  woman  is  a 
bait  to  which  a  man  will  invariably  rise  as  a 
trout  to  a  fly.  -Dorothy  Dix. 


Get   a   wife  who  has  learned  how  to 
keep  house  on  your  predecessor,  and  is  in  no 
danger  of  giving  you  dyspepsia  while   she 
experiments  with  cooking  school  recipes. 
—  Dorothy  Dix. 


March  Thirtieth 


"  So  they  were  divorced  for  incompati- 
bility of  temper  >" 

"  Yes ;  you  see  he  had  the  incompatibility 
and  she  had  the  temper."  Judge. 


March  Thirty-fir£ 

Theicshameless  Chloe  placed  on  the 
tombs  of  her  seven  husbands  the  inscription, 
"  The  work  of  Chloe."  —Martial. 


Few  persons   turn  grey  because   their 
husbands  die.  —Proverb. 


He  that's  married  once  may  be  pardoned 

his  infirmity; 

He  that  marries  twice  is  mad ; 
But  if  you  can  find  a  fool 
Marrying  thrice,  don't  spare  the  lad, 
Flog  him,  flog  him  back  to  school. 

— GarricL 

April  Third 

Oh !  a  maid  is  sometimes  charming,  but 
a  widow  aD  the  while.  —Anonymous. 

April  Fourth 

Disguise  our  bondage  as  we  will, 
'  Tis  woman,  woman  rules  us  ftill. 
—Moo, 


One  husband  is  worth  two  good  wives : 
for  the  scarcer  things  are,  the  more  they're 
Benjamin  Franklin. 


April  Sixth 

I,  Dionysius  of  Tarsus,  lie  here  at  sixty, 
having  never  married ;  and  would  that  my 


father  had  not. 


—  Greek  Epitaph. 


April  Seventh 

Once  you  are  married  there  is  nothing 
left  for  you,  not  even  suicide,  but  to  be  good. 
—  Robert  Louis  Stevenson. 


April  Eighth 

"Didn't  you  do  well  by  your  second 
marriage  ?  '* 

"  Oh,  yes  indeed ;    the  clothes  of   my 
wife's  first  husband  jus!  fit  me !  " 

—  Danbury  News  Man. 


April  Ninth 

The  lachrymose  widow  is  one  of  those 
clinging  vines  that  always  gets  there. 

—  Dorothy  Dix. 

April  Tenth 

"  Of  course  I  am  a  widow.  Sure,  that 
poor  little  insignificant  crayther  of  a  husband 
is  not  worth  mentioning."  _  j^  jjfe> 

April  Eleventh 

Old  friend  — "  Was  your  daughter's  mar- 
riage a  success  ?  " 

Hostess  — "  Oh,  a  great  success !  She's 
traveling  in  Europe  on  the  alimony." 

—  New  York  Weekly. 

April  Twelfth 

"  No  other  man  can  ever  fill  poor  John's 
place.  I  loved  him  from  the  bottom  of  my 
heart." 

"Of  course;  but  you  know  there  is 
always  room  at  the  top." 

—  Chicago  Daily  News. 


April  Thirteenth 

A  different  cause,  says  Parson  Sly, 
The  same  effecl  may  give. 
Poor  Lubin  fears  that  he  shall  die, 
His  wife  —  that  he  may  live. 

—  Poor  Richard's  Almanac. 

April  Fourteenth 

"  There  is  more  to  be  learned  from  one 
widow  than  from  a  whole  Smithsonian 
museum  of  anthropology. " 

April  Fifteenth 

Fijjit  — "  The  widow  says  that  her  mar- 
riage to  Gobang  was  secret." 

Ijjit — "It  must  have  been.  Gobang 
himself  did  not  mention  a  widow  in  his 
will,  so  he  could  not  have  known  of  the 
wedding."  _  Ltfe> 

April  Sixteenth 

"Widows,  gentlemen,  are  not  usually 
timorous,  as  my  uncle  used  to  say." 

—  Dickens. 


April  Seventeenth 

The  good  widow's  sorrow  is  no  Storm, 
but  a  still  rain.  — Fuller. 


April  Eighteenth 

A  woman  deserted  by  one  man  has  no 
remedy  but  to  appeal  to  twelve.  Jerrold. 

April  Nineteenth 

At  the  prospect  of  a  cosy  separation 
society  would  reach  at  last  the  condition  of 
Rome  as  described  by  Seneca,  when  women 
computed  their  ages  by  the  number  of  their 
husbands  instead  of  by  the  years  they  had 
lived.  —Matthews. 

April  Twentieth 

"Jerome  speaks  of  witnessing  the  funeral 
of  a  woman  who  was  followed  by  her 
twenty-second  husband  to  the  grave,  she 
having  been  his  twenty-first  wife." 


If  you  want  a  neat  wife,  choose  her  on 
a  Saturday.  _  Poor  Richard's  Almanac. 


April  Twenty-second 

She — "They  are  the  most  wonderful 
compositions  in  the  language." 

He  —  "  They  don't  compare  with  Jack 
Harvey's.  Why,  he  wrote  a  letter  of  con- 
dolence to  a  widow  and  she  took  off  her 
mourning  immediately."  jjfe. 


April  Twenty-third 

Drying  a  widow's  tears  is  one  of  the 
most  dangerous  occupations  known  to  man. 
—  Dorothy  Dix. 


April  Twenty-fourth 

I  told  Martin  when  we'd  first  come  to 
London,  that  I  must  see  the  Widder  Albert 
whilst  I  was  there.  _  osiah  Allen's  Wife 


April  Twenty-fifth 

"Doctor,  do  you  think  my  wife  will 
recover  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes !  I  told  her  I  already  had  a 
wife  picked  out  for  you  in  case  she  didn't 
get  well."  —Life. 

April  Twenty-sixth 

Keep  your  eyes  open  before  marriage ; 
half  shut  afterwards. 

—  Poor  Richard's  Almanac. 

April  Twenty-seventh 

Widow  — "  Yes,  I  have  cremated  three 
husbands." 

Old  maid — "It  seems  unfair.  Here 
I've  lived  all  these  years  and  never  have 
been  able  to  get  married  to  one  man  and 
you've  had  husbands  to  burn." 

—  Chauncey  M.  Depew's  Story. 

April  Twenty-eighth 

"  Better  to  have  loved  extensively  than 
never  to  have  loved  at  all." 


April  Twenty-ninth 


Agent — "Isn't  this  stone  a  trifle  small 
for  a  man  of  your  husband's  prominence  ?" 

Widow — "  No,  sir !  If  Thomas  thought 
a  stone  like  that  was  good  enough  for  his 
first  wife,  I  guess  it's  plenty  good  enough  for 
Thomas."  —  Life. 


April  Thirtieth 


You  can't  talk  to  a  remarried  woman 
at  a  dinner  party  about  her  first  husband, 
especially  if  one  of  her  subsequent  husbands 
is  present.  _  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


May  Firft 
Divorce  is  the  spice  of  life.        —Life. 

May  Second 

"  We  hated  to  tell  you,  but  your  drowned 
husband's  body  has  been  found  and  it  is 
covered  with  eels." 

"  Well,"  sighed  the  widow,  drying  her 
eyes,  "  set  him  again." 

—  Chauncey  M.  Depew'»  Story. 

May  Third 

St.  Peter  (to  first  applicant) — "Were 
you  married  while  on  earth  ?  " 

First  Applicant  — "  I  was ;  twice." 
St.  Peter  — "  Walk  in.   You  deserve  it" 
— TheW«P. 

May  Fourth 

The  turf  has  drunk  a  widow's  tear, 
Three  of  her  husbands  slumber  here. 

—  Epitaph  at  Staffordshire. 


Behold  I  have  commanded  a  widow 
woman  there  to  sustain  thee. 

—  I  Kings  xvii :  9. 

May  Sixth 

She — "  Should  you  die,  are  you  opposed 
to  my  remarrying?  " 

He  — "  No.  Why  should  I  be  solicitous 
about  the  welfare  of  a  fellow  I'll  never  know." 

—  Life. 

May  Seventh 

"  Why  did  he  get  a  divorce  from  his  wife  ?  " 
"She  named  the  baby  after  the  firSt  husband." 

—  Life. 

May  Eighth 

I  asked  her  (who  had  buried  twelve 
husbands) :  "  At  what  time  of  life  do  you 
think  the  married  slate  ceases  to  be  prefer- 
able?" 

She  replied :  "  You  musl  ask  somebody 
older  than  I  am."  —Josh  Billings. 


A  widow  is  like  a  frigate  of  which  the 
firs!  captain  has  been  shipwrecked. 

—  Alphoiue  Karr. 

May  Tenth 
Widowhood  is  true  freedom. 

—  Mme.  de»  Jardins. 

May  Eleventh 

"  So  Mrs.  Gaylord  insists  on  a  separa- 
tion ?  " 

"  Yes.  She  didn't  mind  his  neglect,  but 
whenever  he  was  a  little  good  to  her  he  was 
so  very  virtuous  about  it  that  she  just  couldn't 
Bandit."  —  Harper'.  Bazar. 

May  Twelfth 

Easy-crying  widows  take  new  husbands 
soonest;  there  is  nothing  like  wet  weather 
for  transplanting.  _  Oliver  Wendell  Holme.. 


Mrs.  Henpeck — "Now,  suppose  I  should 


Mr.  Henpeck  — "  Good  heavens  I      Is 
there  any  doubt  about  it  ?  "  Ltfe< 


May  Fourteenth 

There  are  four  hundred  and  fifty  Revo- 
lutionary widows  left.  Here  is  a  chance 
now  for  those  men  who  pant  for  a  wife  of 
the  good  old  days.  _  Danbury  News  Man. 


May  Fifteenth 

Never  marry  a  widow  unless  her  first 
husband  was  hanged.  — Provett. 


May  Sixteenth 

Widows  secretly  rejoice  in  the  admira- 
tion of  men,  but  indulge  themselves  in  no 
further  consequences.  —  Addiscn. 


Widows  are  a  Study  you  will  never  be  pro- 


ficient in. 


—  Fielding. 


"Are  women  books?  "  says  Hodge.    " Then 
would   mine  were  an  almanac  to  change  her 

every  year."  —Benjamin  Franklin. 


Women  who  have  been  happy  in  a  first 
marriage  are  most  apt  to  venture  upon  a 
second.  — Addison. 


May  Eighteenth 

Were  I  not  resolved  against  the  yoke 
Of  hapless  marriage  never  to  be  curs'd 
With  second  love,   so  fatal  was  the  first, 
To  this  one  error  I  might  yield  again. 

—  Drydcn. 


May  Nineteenth 

How   blessings   brighten   as   they  take 
their  flight!  —Young. 


May  Twentieth 


From  thousands  of  our  undone  widows, 
one  may  derive  some  wit. 

— Thomas  Middleton. 


May  Twenty-firft 

For  I  have  buried  three  husbands  beside 
this  man;  and  now  I  am  no*  sure  of  no 
nother  husband ;  and  therefore  ye  may  be 
sure  I  have  great  cause  to  be  sad  and  heavy. 

—  Hazlitt. 


May  Twenty-second 

Here    lies    my    wife:   here    let    her    lie! 
Now  she's  at  resl,  and  so  am  I. 

— Drydcn. 


May  Twenty-third 

Her  waisl  was  ampler  than  her  life,  for 
life  is  but  a  span.  _Q.  W.  Holmes. 


May  Twenty-fourth 

Here's  to   the  maiden  of    bashful  fifteen; 
Here's  to  the  widow  of  fifty.    —Sheridan. 


May  Twenty-fifth 

A  Brookfield  woman  was  completely 
unmanned  by  the  loss  of  her  husband. 

—  Danbury  News  Man. 

May  Twenty-sixth 

Women  have  a  special  antipathy  to  the 
blond  widow,  and  when  one  crosses  their 
path  they  sit  down  and  throw  up  their  hands 
and  give  up  the  game.  —  Dorothy  Dix. 

May  Twenty-seventh 

Why  is  a  garden's  wildered  maze 

Like  a  young  widow,  fresh  and  fair  ? 

Because  it  wants  some  hand  to  raise 

The  weeds  which  have  no  business  there. 
— T.  Moore. 

May  Twenty-eighth 

Fortune  is  like  a  widow  won, 
And  truckles  to  the  bold  alone. 

—  Somerville. 


"Suppose,"  said  a  friend  who  had  been 
reading  Enoch  Arden,  "  that  you  went  away 
on  a  sea  voyage  and  came  back  and  found 
that  your  wife  had  married  another  man  ?  " 

"  That's  an  absurd  proposition.  Henri- 
etta would  never  be  so  careless  as  to  let  me 
go  away  on  a  sea  voyage." 

— Washington  Star. 


May  Thirtieth 

An  Atchispn  girl  will  marry  a  widower 
with  five  hand-me-down  children. 

—  Atchison  Globe. 


May  Thirty-firSt 

A  widow  is  a  woman  who  has  buried 
her  husband ;  a  grass  widow  is  one  who  has 
simply  mislaid  hers.  _WJH  M.  Clemens. 


Yet  because  this  widow  troubleth  me,  I 
will  avenge  her,  left  by  her  continual  coming 
she  weary  me.  __  L^  xvfi .  5. 


Not  even  the  immense  labor  of  assimila- 
ting a  new  spouse's  relatives,  appalling  as  it 
is,  should  hinder  second  marriages. 

—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 

June  Third 

The  rich  widow  cries  with  one  eye  and 
rejoices  with  the  other.  Cervantes. 

June  Fourth 

"  There  is  one  thing  about  my  first  hus- 
band I  shall  always  respect  him  for,"  she 
said. 

"What  is  that?" 

"  He  paid  all  the  expenses  of  our  divorce 
like  a  perfect  gentleman."  —Life. 


June  Fifth 

He  that  marries   a  widow  and  three 
daughters  has  three  back  doors  to  his  house. 
—  Spanish  Proverb. 

June  Sixth 

He  that  wooes  a  maid  must  never  come  in 

sight, 
But  he  that  wooes  a  widow,  must  woo  her 

day  and  night.          _  £n^  proverb. 

June  Seventh 

In  appearance  the  widow  is  extremely 
attractive,  being  smooth  and  sleek,  of  a  jet 
black  color,  with  snow  white  collar.  It  also 
possesses  a  most  melodious  purr,  and  though 
it  has  extra  sharp  claws,  these  are  seldom 
visible.  —  Dorothy  Dix. 

June  Eighth 

Mrs.  Manhattan  —  "  The  thirteenth  hus- 
band is  sure  to  be  unlucky." 

Mrs.  Lakeside  (pensively)  —  "I'll  have 
to  skip  that  number  and  marry  twins." 

—  New  York  Herald. 


June  Ninth 


Misfortunes  never  come  single;  some- 
times they  come  married.  Life. 

June  Tenth 

"  Doctor,  I  can't  get  it  out  of  my  head 
that  possibly  my  poor  husband  was  buried 
alive." 

"Nonsense,"  snorted  Dr.  Peduncle, 
"didn't  I  attend  him  myself  in  his  las!  illness?" 

—  Life. 

June  Eleventh 

Scarcely  less  to  be  feared  by  the  prudent, 
is  the  species  of  this  interesting  animal,  which 
is  known  as  the  domestic  widow. 

—  Dorothy  Dix. 

June  Twelfth 

Little  Clara  (in  an  audible  whisper)  — 
"O  nurse!  I  wish  I  had  been  born  a 
widow  instead  of  an  orphan ! " 

—  Harper's  Monthly. 


Young  widows  are  always  charming. 

—  Stowe. 

June  Fourteenth 

Surely  any  good  man  who  has  one  wife 
already  would  slay  at  home  till  moss  accum- 
ulated on  his  scalp,  rather  than  go  gadding 
and  take  the  chance  of  running  against  his 
affinity.  —  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 

June  Fifteenth 

When  a  man  is  chased  by  a  determined 
widow,  it  is  a  mere  waste  of  shoe  leather  to 
run  away  from  it.  —Dorothy  Dix. 


June  Sixteenth 

You  can't  imagine,  sir,  what  'tis  to  have 
to  do  with  a  widow.  — Addwon. 


What  objections  there  are  to  second 
marriages  are  almost  exclusively  sentimental. 

—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 

June  Eighteenth 

Miss  Jones  (to  Mr.  Brown  who  has  sur- 
vived three  wives)  — "  They  must  get  kind 
o*  mixed  up  in  heaven  with  so  many  Mrs. 
Browns  about" 

Mr.  Brown — "Oh,  no,  I  calculate  not! 
You  see  they're  all  different  shades  of 
Brown."  —Life. 

June  Nineteenth 

The  chief  characteristic  of  the  widow  is 
its  skill  in  bringing  down  its  game. 

—  Dorothy  Dix. 

June  Twentieth 

"For  patient  resignation,  that  widow 
lying  there  a  corpse  could  dance  all  'round 
any  woman  living."  —Danbury  News  Man. 


By  taking  a  second  wife  man  pays  the 
highest  compliment  to  the  first.    Johnson. 


June  Twenty-second 

For  many  persons  who  have  lost  their 
mates  prematurely,  it  is  far  better  to  find  a 
new  one,  if  that  is  possible,  than  to  go  through 
life  alone.  —Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


June  Twenty-third 

And  I  caused  the  widow's  heart  to  sing 
for  joy.  __job  xxix:  13. 


June  Twenty-fourth 

If  you  are  an  unsophisticated  widow  — 
one  whose  husband  is  just  dead — you  will 
find  that  you  can  remain  in  your  own  home 
sixty  days  without  paying  rent.  —  Stowe. 


I  don't  feel  at  all  sentimental ; 

For  women  I  care  not  a  rap, 
But  give  me  a  jolly  and  gentle 

Rich  widow  in  weeds  and  a  cap. 
—  Strong. 

June  Twenty-sixth 

When  they  deal  directly  with  widows, 
they  want  a  class  that  knows  nothing  of 
business.  —  Stowe. 


June  Twenty-seventh 

Then  let  him  write  her  a  bill  of  divorce- 
ment and  give  it  in  her  hand  and  send  her 
out  of  his  house.  —  Deut.  wiv :  I. 

June  Twenty-eighth 

"  Ah,  sweetest  one,  may  I  be  your  captain 
and  guide  your  bark  down  the  sea  of  life?  " 
"  No.  But  you  can  be  my  second  mate." 
— Exchange. 


One  of  the  chief  inducements  to  marry 
a  widow  is  the  conversation  that  ought  to 
result  from  her  enlarged  experience  of  life. 
—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


June  Thirtieth 

"  I  celebrate  June  Thirtieth  as  Independ- 
ence Day." 

"  Isn't  that  a  trifle  early  ?  " 

"  It's  the  day  on  which  I  secured  my 
firsl  divorce."  —Judge. 


"You  say  his  wife's   a  brunette? 
thought  he  married  a  blonde." 

"  He  did,  but  she  dyed."     Wrinkle. 


July  Second 

A  law  by  which  a  widow  should  not 
burn  herself  till  she  had  conversed  privately 
with  a  young  man.  Since  that  time  not  a 
single  woman  hath  burned  herself  in  Arabia. 

—  Voltaire. 


July  Third 

To  the  diplomatic  widow,  man  is  simply 
an  open  book.     She  plays  upon  his  weak- 
nesses as  upon  a  harp  with  a  thousand  strings. 
—  Dorothy  Dix. 


July  Fourth 

Widows  are  dangerous  animals  to  be  at 
large.  —  J.W.Stowe. 


July  Fifth 

Wanted — A  nice  young  girl  of  affec- 
tionate disposition  willing  to  make  a  good- 
looking  bachelor  happy.  Previous  expe- 
rience not  necessary.  _\yajp. 

July  Sixth 

In  buying  a  horse  and  taking  a  wife, 

Shut  your  eyes  and  trust  God  for  your  life. 

—  Italian  Proverb. 

July  Seventh 

A  Bunch  of  Cash,  with  figures  not  too  Few, 
A  Mine  of  Gold,  a  Government  Bond  or 

Two, 
And  Youth  and  Beauty  and  Cupid  ever  near 

her, 
A  Widow's  lot  is  not  so  Worse,  think  You  ? 

—  Widow. 

July  Eighth 

Drying  a  widow's  tears  is  an  expensive 
luxury.  —Dorothy  Da. 


July  Ninth 

Wake!  for  the  Son  that  scatters  into  flight 
The  Sighs  and  Tears  that  make  you  such  a 

fright, 

Drives  them  along,  away,  forever,  and 
Knocks  Your  Widow's  mourning  Higher 

than  a  Kite !  —Widow. 


July  Tenth 

Love  makes  time  pass  and  time  makes 
love  pass.  —Proverb. 


July  Eleventh 

Divorce  is  necessary  in  advanced  civili- 
zation. —  Montesquieu. 


July  Twelfth 

Woman,  by  nature,  is  a  thing  of  change. 

—  Petrarch. 


They  can  show  no  mercy  to  the  widow. 

—  Barnich. 


July  Fourteenth 

God  has  to  me  sufficiently  been  kind, 
To  Take  my  husband,  and  leave  me  here 
behind.  —Anonymous. 


July  Fifteenth 


Whoso  has  married  once  and  seeks  a 
second  wedding,  is  a  shipwrecked  man  who 
sails  twice  through  a  difficult  gulf. 

—  Greek  Epigramme. 

July  Sixteenth 

A  mistress  I've  lost,  it  is  true ; 

But  one  comfort  attends  the  disaster : 
That  had  she  my  mistress  remained, 

I  could  not  have  called  myself  master. 
—  Epigramme*  Old  and  New. 


July  Seventeenth 

He  that  marries  a  widow  and  three  chii- 
dren  marries  four  thieves. 

—  Spanish  Proverb. 

July  Eighteenth 

Said  Jan,  twice  wedded  to  a  scolding  wife, 
"  Church-going's  the  greatest  pleasure  of  my 

life; 

'Tis  strange  and  sweet  to  see  a  man,  oh,  rare ! 
Keep  full  five  hundred  women  quiet  there." 
—  Dutch  Epigramme. 

July  Nineteenth 

The  greatest  merit  of  some  men  is  their  wife. 

—  Poincelot. 

July  Twentieth 

There  was  a  rime  when  the  ideal  condi- 
tion coveted  by  women  who  craved  unlim- 
ited freedom,  was  that  of  a  widow  with  one 
child.  —Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


July  Twenty-first 


Let  no  Mandalay  in  his  effort  to  seize 
The  Widows  Three,  or  just  one  if  he  please, 
There  are  others,  I  know,  quite  Simla  to 

these. 
And  the  diff'rence  not  one  man  in  Seven 

Seas.  —Widow. 

July  Twenty-second 

Two  consorts  in  heaven  are  not  two,  but 
one  angel  — Swedenborg. 

July  Twenty-third 

"  Please  take  the  medicine,  wife,  and  I'll 
be  hanged  if  it  doesn't  cure  you." 

"Oh,  I'LL  take  it,  then,  for  it  is  sure  to 
do  good  one  way  or  another." 

July  Twenty-fourth 

Marriage  is  a  feasl  where  the  grace  is 
sometimes  better  than  the  dinner. 

— Colton. 


It  is  never  too  late  to  wed." 


July  Twenty-sixth 

The  cause  of  his  death  was  a  compli- 
cation of  diseases,  madam. 

Widow — Ah!  that  was  so  like  him! 
He  was  always  versatile  in  everything. 

—The  Wasp. 

July  Twenty-seventh 

"  You  say  Grace  married  into  the  smart 
set>" 

"  Gracious,  no ;  she  was  divorced  into  it." 
—  Baltimore  Herald. 


July  Twenty-eighth 

A  young  widow  has  established  a  pistol 
gallery.  Her  qualifications  as  a  teacher  of 
the  art  of  dueling  are  of  course  undoubted. 
Has  she  not  killed  her  man? 

—  Louisville  Journal. 


I 


"  I  have  here  one  divorce  notice  and 
one  marriage  announcement,"  said  the  editor's 
assistant.  "What  caption  shall  I  put  on 
them  ?  " 

"  Run  them  together  and  head  them 
"  Breaks  and  Couplings,"  replied  the  railway 
editor.  —Exchange. 


July  Thirtieth 

But  when  he  called  on  Sally  Brown 

To  see  how  she  got  on, 
He  found  she'd  got  another  Ben 

Whose  Christian  name  was  John. 
—  Thomas  Hood. 


July  Thirty-firft 


Widowhood  grows  yearly  less  necessary. 

—  Edward  Stanton  Martin. 


August  Firft 
The  giddy  widow  is  an  ever-present  danger. 


"Some  men  are  awfully  unfortunate. 
You  remember  Smith,  whose  wife  died  last 
year?" 


. 

"  Well,  he's  got  married  again." 

—  TheWaip. 

August  Third 

A  daughter  of  Eve  —  for  such  was  the 
widow  Wadman  —  had  better  be  fifty  leagues 
off  than  make  a  man  the  object  of  her  atten- 
tions when  the  house  and  all  the  furniture 
are  her  own.  —Sterne. 

August  Fourth 

What  is  a  first  love  worth,  except 
To  prepare  for  a  second  ? 

What  does  a  second  love  bring? 
Only  regret  for  the  first. 

-John  Hay. 


If  once  I  loved  him?  Dear,  I  cannot  say; 
All  things  have  changed  to  me  since  he 

was  here ; 

I  thought  to  die  when  firft  he  went  away, 
And  now  I  name  his  name  without  a 
tear.  —  Anonymous. 

Auguft  Sixth 

Is  it  dyin*  ye're  shpakin'  of  ?  What  would  I  do, 
An  unmarried  widda  in  mournin*  for  you  ? 
—  David  L.  ProudfiL 


August  Seventh 

It  is  better  to  have  courage  than  a  wife. 
A  man  can't  have  both.  Life. 


August  Eighth 

The  widow  knows  man  as  merely  a  fal- 
lible human  institution  and  she  works  him  for 
all  that  he  is  worth.  —Dorothy  Dix. 


August  Ninth 

The  instances  that  second  marriage  move 
Are  bast  respects  of  thrift  and  not  of  love. 

—  Shakespeare. 

August  Tenth 

Faith,  I  thought  him  dead,  not  he  I 
There  he  loves  with  ten-fold  glee ; 

And  now  this  moment  with  his  wings, 
I  feel  him  tickling  my  heart-strings. 
—  Cupid  Swallowed. 

August  Eleventh 

Court  in  haste  but  marry  at  leisure. 

—  Widow'*  Maxim . 

August  Twelfth 

As  you  may  find,  whene'er  you  like  to  find 

her, 

One  man  alone  at  first  her  heart  can  move ; 
She  then  prefers  him  in  the  plural  number, 
Not  finding  that  the  additions  much  encumber. 

—  Byron. 


August  Thirteenth 

Mrs.  Morris — "  Since  I  have  been  mar- 
ried I  have  had  only  one  wish  ungratified." 
Mr.  Morris — "And  what  is  that,  dear?" 
Mrs.   Morris — "That    I   were    single 
again."  —Life. 

August  Fourteenth 

The  pure  one  loved  him  to  the  day  he  died, 
.  But  when  he  died,  his  dearest  friend  she  wed. 
—  James  B.  Benul. 

August  Fifteenth 

"There  never  was  a  nicer  woman  as  a 
widder,  than  that  'ere  second  wentur  o*  mine, 
—  a  sweet  cretur  she  was,  Sammy;  and 
all  I  can  say  on  her  now,  is,  that  as  she  was 
such  an  uncommon  pleasant  widder,  it's  a 
great  pity  she  ever  changed  her  condition." 

—  Die  kens. 

August  Sixteenth 

Alas  I  you  see  of  how  slight  metal 
widows*  vows  are  made.  Chapman. 


Widows  are  held  in  such  esteem,  that  an 
artificial  species  is  cultivated,  called  straw,  or 
grass  widows,  from  their  habit  of  making  hay 
while  the  sun  shines.  —Dorothy  Dix. 


Ah,  matrimony,  thou  art  like  to  Jeremiah's  figs, 
The  good  were  very  good,  the  bad  too  sour  to 
feed  to  pigs !  _  peter  Pindar. 


August  Seventeenth 

It  tells  me  how  short  lived  widows'  tears 
are,  that  their  weeping  is  in  truth  but  laugh- 
ing under  a  mask,  that  they  mourn  in  their 
gowns  and  laugh  in  their  sleeves. 

—  Chapman. 


August  Eighteenth 

But  few  men  who  have  gone  out  to  con- 
sole widows  have  returned  unscathed. 

—  Dorothy  Dix. 


August  Nineteenth 

"  Maids  are  either  harmless,  or  will  be- 
come so,  but  with  a  widow  the  iting  is  never 
gone." 


August  Twentieth 

The  widow  about  to  remarry  is  the 
most  unselfish  of  mortals.  She  seldom  thinks 
of  number  one. 


The  head  and  the  heart  in  the  game  of  love 

Musi  each  play  a  separate  part ; 
But  we'll  pardon  a  girl  with  a  cold  in  her 

head, 
If  she'll  only  be  warm  in  the  heart. 

-Life. 

Auguft  Twenty-second 

"  Do  you  think  old  maids  live  longer  than 
widows  ?  " 

Old  maid — "  It  seems  longer." 


August  Twenty-third 

That's  what  a  man  wants  in  a  wife, 
mostly :  he  wants  to  make  sure  o*  one  fool 
as  '11  tell  him  he's  wise.  —George  Eliot. 


August  Twenty-fourth 

Husbands  are  in  heaven  whose  wives 
chide  them  not.  —  Proverb. 


"  No  man  is  a  romantic  hero  to  a  widow.** 

August  Twenty-sixth 

The  chain  of  wedlock  is  so  heavy  that 
it  takes  two  to  carry  it  —  sometimes  three. 
—  Akx.  Dumas. 

August  Twenty-seventh 

"And  how  long  have  you  been  a 
widow  ?  " 

"  Oh,  the  year  was  up  yesterday ;  but 
indeed  you  must  give  me  at  least  a  month 
to  get  ready." 

When  he  got  outside  again,  he  mur- 
mured, "Now  I  know  what  old  Weller 
meant."  _  The  Wasp. 

August  Twenty-eighth 

It  is  mere  folly  for  a  man  to  underesti- 
mate the  danger  he  runs  from  a  widow. 

—Dorothy  Dix. 


August  Twenty-ninth 


Are  you  not  ashamed  to  enforce  a  poor 
widow  to  so  rough  a  course  ? 

—  Shakespeare. 

August  Thirtieth 

Cupid  has  no  trouble  keeping  Lent ; 
For  since  with  flame  his  year  is  spent, 
He  muit  have  lots  of  ashes.      —  puck. 

August  Thirty-fir^ 

After  such  years  of  dissension  and  strife. 

Some  wonder  that  Peter  should  weep  for 
his  wife; 

But  his  tears  on  her  grave  are  nothing  sur- 
prising, 

He's  laying  her  dust,  for  fear  of  its  rising. 

—  Hood. 


Was  never  widow  had  so  dear  a  loss ! 

—  Shakespeare. 


September  Second 

For  she  saith  in  her  heart,  I  sit  a  queen, 
and  am  no  widow  and  shall  see  no  sorrow. 
—  Rev.  xviii :  7. 


September  Third 

"  And  so  you  are  married — joined  for  life  ?" 
"Oh,  it's  hardly  that  bad ! "          — 


September  Fourth 

Parke — "Wiggson  married  a  widow, 
didn't  he?" 

Lane  — "  Yes." 

Parke — "I  wonder  how  he  likes  her 
former  husband  ?  "  Puck. 


She  had  tasted  thje  sweets  of  wedded 
life,  but  somehow  single  blessedness,  decked 
in  the  latest  modes  of  widow's  weeds,  offered 
her  a  more  alluring  programme. 

—  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 

September  Sixth 

The  dearest  object  to  a  married  man 
should  be  his  wife ;  but  it  is  not  infrequently 
her  clothes.  _  Danbury  News  Man. 

September  Seventh 

A  little  widow  is  a  dangerous  thing ;  but 
is  there  not  always  a  fascination  in  dangerous 
things  ?  _  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 

September  Eighth 

Being  a  widow,  rightly  understood,  gives 
a  woman  many  privileges  that  no  other 
woman  possesses.  _  Dorothy  Dix. 


It  does  not  matter  whom  you  marry,  for 
you  will  find  next  morning  you  have  married 
some  one  else.  —  S.  Rogers. 


September  Tenth 

Whoso  findeth  a  wife,  findeth  a  good  thing. 

—  Proverbs. 


September  Eleventh 

A  young  man  in  the  Weft  has  written 
home :  "  Send  me  a  wig."  And  his  fond 
parents  don't  know  whether  he  is  scalped  or 
manned.  —  Danbury  News  Man. 


September  Twelfth 

Heaven  preserve  you  ever  from  that  dull 
blessing,  an  obedient  husband. 

—  John  Tobin. 


September  Thirteenth 


"  By  George !  if  I  were  in  your  place  I 
would  apply  for  a  divorce." 

"  I'd  like  to,  but  she  won't  let  me." 

—  Indianapolis  Journal. 


September  Fourteenth 

George  Washington  was  rejected  by  at 
least  one  young  lady  and  finally  had  to  marry 
a  mere  widow.  Judge. 


September  Fifteenth 

Divorce  Lawyer — "What's  the  cause, 
madam  ?  " 

Client  —  "I  have  been  married  two 
years."  —Puck. 


September  Sixteenth 

One  husband  on  earth  is  worth  two 
underground.  —Widow. 


September  Seventeenth 


A  woman  enjoys  two  days  of  happiness 
on  earth:  when  she  takes  a  husband  and 
when  she  buries  him.  —Anonymous. 

September  Eighteenth 
"Widows  are  witches,  don't  you  think?** 

September  Nineteenth 

Widow  Black  — "  Whad  meks  you  fink 
he's  gwine  to  propose  at  last  ?  " 

Widow  Grey — "Kase  I  kin  tell  from 
his  hungry  looks  and  his  seediness  dat  he 
cain't  suppo't  hisself  much  longer." 

— Harper's  Bazar. 

September  Twentieth 

Many  overhasty  widows  cut  their  years 
of  mourning  very  short  and  within  a  few 
weeks  make  post-speed  to  a  second  marriage. 

—  Fuller. 


September  Twenty*nr& 


Handsome  widows,  after  a  twelvemonth, 
enjoy  a  latitude  and  longitude  without  limit. 

—  Balzac. 


September  Twenty-second 

Marriage:  an  institution  where  one  per- 
son undertakes  to  provide  happiness  for  two. 

—  Mme.  Roland. 


September  Twenty-third 

It  destroys  one's  nerve*  to  be  amiable 
every  day  to  the  same  human  being. 

—  Beaconsfield. 


September  Twenty-fourth 

If  a  widower  buys  a  new  tie  and  k  is  of 
a  bright  color,  his  daughters  begin  to  grow 
suspicious.  —  Atchiwn  Globe. 


September  Twenty-fifth 
"  All  the  world  loves  a  widow.** 

September  Twenty-sixth 

"Do  you  think  that  was   a  fortunate 
marriage  ?  "     asked  the  minister's  wife. 

"  Oh,  yes,  very ! "  replied  the  reverend 
gentleman ;  "  I  needed  the  money." 

—  Yonkcrs  Statesman. 


September  Twenty-seventh 

Mrs.  Black  — "  They  say  he's  dreadfully 
henpecked." 

Mrs.  Dash — "Henpecked!   why   the 
man  does  not  even  dare  to  get  a  divorce." 
—  Harper's  Bazar. 


September  Twenty-eighth 

A  woman  keeps  her  firs!  love  long  if  she 
happens  not  to  take  a  second. 

—  Rochefoucauld. 


September  Twenty-ninth 

"  Yes,  sir,  it's  a  fact  that  married  men  live 
longer  than  single  ones." 

"And  do   you  know  the  reason,  sir? 
The  miserable  wretches  don't  dare  die." 
—  Harper's  Bazar. 


September  Thirtieth 

First  Soubrette  — "  What  is  the  cause  of 
the  divorce  ?  " 

Second  Soubrette  — "  Both  intend  to  star 
next  season,"  —Exchange. 


•f 


m 


October  Fir£ 

Maude  — "  Is  she  married  ?  " 
Mabel — "  No,  unmarried  for  the  fourth 
rime."  —Harper's  Bazar. 

Odlober  Second 

Now,  if   you    musT:  marry,  take  care  she 

is  old; 
A  troop-sergeant's   widow's  the  nicest,  I'm 

told; 

For  beauty  won't  help  if  your  rations  is  cold, 
Nor  love  ain't  enough  for  a  soldier. 

—  Kipling. 

Odober  Third 

Your  spouse,   who    husbands    dear    hath 

buried  seven, 
Stands  a  bad  chance  to  make  the  number 

even.  —Martial. 

Odober  Fourth 

Marriage  is  a  lottery;  every  wife  does 
not  become  a  widow.  — I.  Zangwill. 


Bachelors  are  providential  beings ;  God 
created  them  for  the  consolation  of  widows. 

—  J.  de  Finod. 

Odober  Sixth 

A  man  without  a  wife  is  but  half  a  man. 
—  Benjamin  Franklin. 

Odlober  Seventh 

No  wise  man  ever  married ;  but  for  a 
fool  it  is  the  mo&  ambrosial  of  all  possible 
future  slates.  — Byron. 


Odober  Eighth 

Now  a  little  widow  is  perilously  fascina- 
ting; her  very  littleness  constitutes  an  ele- 
ment of  danger,  since  it  coaxingly  compels 
sympathy.  _  Malcolm  C  Salomon. 


"Sacred  to  the  memory  of  my  dearly 
beloved  wife,.  Mary.  Ditto  Jane." 

—  Epitaph. 

October  Tenth 

It  is  but  a  shallow  philosophy  that  under- 
rates the  married  ftate;  and  he  who  bids 
you  avoid  matrimony  because  he  has  tried  it 
and  failed,  is  a  fool  for  his  pains. 

—  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


O<5lober  Eleventh 

We  would  the  widow  wed ;  she's  old,  say  I, 
But  if  she  older  were,  I  would  comply. 

—  Martial. 


Odtober  Twelfth 

To  be  a  widow  is  a  mournful  slate ; 
Delia  was  wise  and  made  one  moon  its  date. 

—Anonymous. 


Your  wise  man  will  never  marry  his  firs! 
l°ve-  —  Malcolm  C  Salomon. 


Odlober  Fourteenth 

From  your  breast  you  may  pluck 

His  dart,  if  you  will, 
But  the  place  where  it  struck 

Will  be  sensitive  still. 


Odtober  Fifteenth 

Star — "I  have  had  my  diamonds  stolen 
three  times  and  been  married  four.  Now 
what  else  can  I  do  ?  " 

Manager — "You  might  lake  lessons  in 
acting."  —Puck. 


Odober  Sixteenth 
'A  widow  and  her  money  are  soon  married." 


Odober  Seventeenth 
Widows  differ;  maids  are  all  alike. 


Odober  Eighteenth 

The  law  allows  one  husband  to  one  wife, 
But  wives  will  seldom  brook  the  straightened 

life; 
They  must  have  two ;  besides  her  Jack,  each 

Jill, 
In  spite  of  law  and  gospel,  weds  her  will. 

—  Exchange. 

Odober  Nineteenth 

When  one  sympathizes  with  a  widow, 
when  one  says,  "  Poor  little  woman  " —  one 
is  lost.  _  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


Odober  Twentieth 

She  was  so  pious  during  Lent, 
I  thought  it  best  to  shun  her, 

So  she'd  have  leisure  to  repent ; 

But  in  the  forty  days  so  spent, 
My  rival  wooed  and  won  her. 

—Life. 


October  Twenty-firft 
"  Needs  must  when  the  widow  drives." 

October  Twenty-second 

"Are  you  going  to  sue  him  for  breach 
of  promise?" 

"No.  Dick  always  signed  his  letters 
'  without  recourse.' "  _  Life. 


October  Twenty-third 

Man  flattering  man  not  always  can  prevail, 
But  woman  flattering  man  can  never  fail 

—  Marriott. 


October  Twenty-fourth 

A  place  under  government  was  all  that 

Paddy  wanted ; 
He  married  soon  a  scolding  wife,  and  his 

wish  was  granted.  .  -  Anonymous. 


Odober  Twenty-fifth 


Why  should  she  be  condemned  to  wear 
moral  sackcloth  and  ashes  all  her  life  because 
she  is  a  widow  and  does  not  choose  to  marry 
again  ?  _  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 

Odtober   Twenty-sixth 

Though  marriage  by  some  folks  be  reckoned 

a  curse, 
Three   wives   did   I   marry,   for   better  or 

worse; 
The  nrsl  for  her  person,  the  next  for  her 

purse, 
The  third  for  a  warming  pan,  dodtor  and 

nurse.  —Thomas  Baftard,  of  Oxford. 

Odtober  Twenty-seventh 

If  you'd  be  married,  firs!  grow  young, 
Wear  a  mask  and  hold  your  tongue. 

—  Proverb. 


Odtober  Twenty-eighth 

And  withal  they  learn  to  be  idle,  wan- 
dering about  from  house  to  house. 

—  I  Tim.  v:  13. 


Odlober  Twenty-ninth 

There  is  a  great  charm  in  loving  a  woman 
who  is  versed  in  the  lore  of  love  and  who 
is  practiced  in  all  the  sleight-of-heart  tricks 
°»  rt«  —  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


Odlober  Thirtieth 

And  there  came  a  certain  poor  widow 
and  she  threw  in  two  mites,  which  make  a 
farthing.  _  Mark  xii:  42. 


Odtober  Thirty-fir^ 

And  not  only  idle,  but  tattlers  also,  and 
busybodies,  speaking  things  which  they 
ought  not.  —  I  Tim.  v:  13. 


If  a  man  do  not  eredt  in  this  age  his  own 
tomb  ere  he  dies,  he  shall  live  no  longer  in 
monument  than  the  bell  rings  and  the  widow 
weeps.  —Shakespeare. 

November  Second 

Raillery!  Raillery!  madam,  we've  no 
animosity.  We  hit  off  a  little  wit  now  and 
then,  but  no  animosity.  Congreve. 

November  Third 

Not  whom  you  marry,  but  how  much 
you  marry,  is  the  real  question 

—  Whipple. 

November  Fourth 

"  They  tell  me,  Daniel,  you've  had  four 
wives." 

Daniel  (proudly)  — "  Ess,  zur,  I  *ave  — 
and  what's  more,  two  of  'em  was  good  'uns ! " 
—  San  Francisco  News  Letter. 


The  little  widow  is  experienced,  acces- 
sible and  free,  and  withal  fatally  fascinating. 

—  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 

November  Sixth 

"  Haven't  you  loft  your  wife  ?  "  inquired 
the  gravestone  agent. 

"  Why,  yes,  I  have, "  said  the  man,  "but 
no  grave&one  ain't  necessary ;  you  see  the 
cussed  critter  ain't  dead.  She's  scooted  with 
another  man."  The  agent  retired. 

—  Danbury  News  Man. 

November  Seventh 

Give  unto  mine  hand,  which  am  a  widow, 
the  power  that  I  have  conceived. 

—  Judith  ix:9. 

November  Eighth 

He  (desperately  in  love)  — "  Don't  you 
think  two  can  live  as  cheaply  as  one  ?  " 

Widow  (reflectingly) — "Ya-as;  but  I'd 
rather  be  the  one."  — Puck. 


Let  us  oppress  the  poor  righteous  man, 
let  us  not  spare  the  widow. 

—  Wisdom  of  Solomon  ii:  10. 


November  Tenth 

Do  not  the  tears  run  down  the  widow's 
cheeks,  and  is  not  her  cry  againft  him  that 
causeth  them  to  fall  ? 

—  Ecclesiafticus  xxxv :  15. 


November  Eleventh 

She  is  a  dead  shot  with  Cupid's  arrow, 
and  never  misses  her  mark. 

—  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


She  was  a  woman  without  a  paft. 

Who? 

Eve. 


-Life. 


November  Thirteenth 

A  little  widow  may   be   a  dangerous 
thing,  but  the  danger  is  harmless. 

—  Malcolm  C.  Salomon. 


November  Fourteenth 

The  remains  of  many  eligible  bachelors 
who  have  slrayed  away  from  their  clubs  and 
been  losl  have  been  found  by  their  anxious 
friends  reposing  by  the  domestic  widow's 
fireside.  —  Dorothy  Dix. 


November  Fifteenth 

He  evil  entreateth  the  barren  that  bear- 
eth  not ;  and  does!  not  good  to  the  widow. 
—  Job  xxiv:  21. 


November  Sixteenth 

The   barrel  of  meal  shall  not  wasle; 
neither  shall  the  cruse  of  oil  fail. 

1  Kings  xvii:  14. 


Shall  I  woo  the  one  or  other? 

Both  attradl  me — more's  the  pity 
Pretty  is  the  widowed  mother, 
And  the  daughter,  too,  is  pretty. 

—  Eugene  Field. 


She  is  a  woman,  therefore  may  be  woo'd ; 
She  is  a  woman,  therefore  may  be  won. 

—  Shakespeare. 


November  Seventeenth 


To  the  public  eye  the  moil  attractive 
widow  is  the  gay  and  frivolous  one. 

— Dorothy  Dix. 

November  Eighteenth 

Among  all  her  lovers  she  hath  none  to 
comfort  her.  _  Lamentations  i :  2. 

November  Nineteenth 

Finally,  I  will  search  for  things  that  are 
little,  avoiding  all  torch-lite  processions,  wim- 
min's  rights  conventions  and  grass  widders 
generally.  _josh  Billing,. 

November  Twentieth 

How  is  she  become  as  a  widow !  she 
that  was  great  among  the  nations ! 

—  Lamentations  i :  I. 


November  Twenty-first 


Neither  shall  they  take  for  their  wives  a 
widow.  __  Ezekiel  xliv :  22. 


November  Twenty-second 

"I  want  some  cards  printed  for  'Mrs. 
Carrol.* " 

"  What's  her  other  name  ?  " 

"  Ain't  got  no  other ;  her  husband's  run 
away  and  left  her."  —  Danbury  New*. 


November  Twenty-third 

And  all  the  widows  Stood  by  him  weeping. 

—  Arts  ix:  39. 


November  Twenty-fourth 

And  now  a  widow  I  mu£  mourn, 
The  pleasures  that  will  ne'er  return; 
No  comfort  but  a  hearty  can, 
When  I  think  on  John  Highlandman. 

—  Burns. 


November  Twenty-fifth 


Where   is   the   bill   of    your    mother's 
divorcement  ? 


November  Twenty-sixth 

"Ev'ybody  knows  there  ain"  no  happi- 
ness in  married  life  till  one  of  de  ccntradtin* 
parties  done  'ceasled." 

—  Harper's  Magazine. 


November  Twenty-seventh 

Whoso  shall  put  away  his  wife,  let  him 
give  her  a  writing  of  divorcement. 

—  Matthew  v :  3 1 . 


November  Twenty-eighth 

It  has  been  found  that  the  only  way  to 
head  off  a  widow  is  to  kill  it. 

—  Dorothy  Dix, 


November  Twenty-ninth 


"  If  ever  you're  attacked  with  the  gout, 
sir,  just  you  marry  a  widder  as  has  got  a 
good  loud  woice,  with  a  decent  notion  of 
using  it."  —  Dkkens. 


November  Thirtieth 

Your  seventh  wife,  Phileros,  is  now 
being  buried  in  your  field.  No  man's  field 
yields  him  greater  profit  than  yours,  Phileros. 

—  Martial. 


"It  behooves  a  husband,  if  he  would  not 
be  forgotten,  to  slay  alive." 


December  Second 

The  most  common,  and  perhaps  the 
moft  dangerous,  is  die  weeping  widow, 
which  may  be  easily  distinguished  by  its 
long,  flowing  black  veil  and  pensive  air  of 
melancholy.  —  Dorothy  Dix. 


December  Third 

"The  widow  can   bake,   the  widow   can 
brew, 

The  widow  can  shape  and  the  widow  can 

• 
sew. 


December  Fourth 

Honor  widows  that  are  widows  indeed. 
—  I  Timothy  v :  3. 


Now  she  that  is  a  widow  indeed  and 
desolate,  trusleth  in  God. 

—  I  Timothy  v :  5. 

December  Sixth 

"  Take  example  by  your  father,  my  boy, 
and  be  very  careful  o*  the  widders  all  your 
Me."  —Dickens. 

December  Seventh 

Mrs.  Peachblow — "Why  does  your  hus- 
band carry  such  a  tremendous  amount  of 
life  insurance  when  he's  in  such  perfedl 
health?" 

Mrs.  Flicker — "  Oh,  ju&  to  tantalize  me! 
Men  are  naturally  cruel."  ufe% 

December  Eighth 
She  that  is  a  widow  is  a  lady.    Kent, 


The  particular  skill  of  the  widow  has 
ever  been  to  inflame  your  wishes  and  yet 
command  respect.  — Addkon. 


December  Tenth 

Second   marriage:      "The   triumph   of 
hope  over  experience. "  —  Johnson. 


December  Eleventh 

Lawyer — "  Incompatibility  ?  How  does 
this  incompatibility  manifest  itself  ?  " 

Lady — "Why,  1  want  to  get  a  divorce 
and  my  husband  doesn't" 


December  Twelfth 

"Thou  art  not  the  first  man  a  widow's 
love  hath  sent  to  the  barber  shop." 

—  Exchange. 


December  Thirteenth 


These  widows,  sir,  are  the  moSt  perverse 
creatures  in  the  world.  Addkon. 

December  Fourteenth 

With  his  dying  breath  he  bid  me  never 
marry  again  till  his  grave  should  be  dry, 
even  though  it  should  take  up  four  days  in 
drying-  —  Oliver  Goldsmith. 

December  Fifteenth 

Lawyer — "But,  Mrs.  Smith,  there  is 
absolutely  no  ground  for  a  divorce." 

Fair  Client — "No  cause?  How  long 
do  you  imagine  it  requires  for  one  to  become 
thoroughly  tired  of  the  name  of  Smith  >  " 

—  Ue. 

December  Sixteenth 

Both  here  and  hence,  pursue  me  lading  strife, 
If,  once  a  widow,  ever  I  be  wife  I 

—  Shakespeare. 


December  Seventeenth 


None  wed  the  second  but  who  killed 
the  first.  —  Shakwpeare. 


December  Eighteenth 

If  I  have  withheld  the  poor  from  their 
desire  or  have  caused  the  eyes  of  the  widow 
to  fail  — Jobrai:16. 


December  Nineteenth 

"  The  Bible  distinctly  says,  '  Ye  ask  and 
ye  receive  not,  because  ye  ask  amiss.'  " 
"  Then  ask  a  widow." 


December   Twentieth 

In  proportion  as  his  passion  for  the  widow 
abated  and  old  age  came  on,  he  left  off  fox- 
hunting ;  but  a  hare  is  not  yet  safe  that  sits 
within  ten  miles  of  his  house.  Addiwn. 


December  Twenty-fir£ 
Man  proposes  and  the  widow  —  accepts. 

December  Twenty-second 

Come,  Hurry  up !  Cause  the  widow's  heart 

to  sing, 
Seal  Pledge  and  Vow  and  Pleading  with  a 

Ring ; 
Or,  if  Cupid's  dart  has  failed  your  Heart  to 

flutter, 
To  Cupid  She  won't  do  a  Thing. 

—  Ex- Widow. 

December  Twenty-third 

Are  you  mirthful  ?  how  her  laughter. 
Silver  sounding,  will  ring  out ! 

She  can  lure,  and  catch  and  play  you, 
As  an  angler  does  the  trout. 

— Anonymous. 

December  Twenty-fourth 

How  would  you  like  to  swap  a  ten-dol- 
lar pension  for  a  five-dollar  man  ? 

—  Kansas  Suitor. 


December  Twenty-fifth 

Men  dying  make  their  wills, 

But  wives  escape  a  task  so  sad ; 
Why  should  they  make  what  all  their  lives 

The  gentle  dames  have  had  ? 

—  Dryclen. 


December  Twenty-sixth 

Wedding  is  destiny,  and  hanging  likewise. 

—  Heywood. 


December  Twenty-seventh 

Of  old  women,  widows  are  most  woeful. 
—  Thomas  Fuller. 


December  Twenty-eighth 

The  first  moment  the  widow  Wadman 
saw  him  she  felt  something  stirring  within 
her  in  his  favor, —  something,  something. 

—  Sterne. 


December  Twenty-ninth 


But  with  a  husband  we  demand 
The  coin  that's  current  in  the  land. 
—  Richard  Realf. 

December  Thirtieth 

In   her   firsl:  passion  woman  loves  her 
lover ;  in  all  others,  all  she  loves  is  love. 

—  Byron. 

December  Thirty-firft 

"  And  when  a  widow's  in  the  case, 
You  know  all  other  things  give  place." 


The  Tomoyf  Press 
San  Francisco 


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